Friday, December 22, 2006

Catching a Break or Learning To Be Humble

On Monday.. I was doing well... things were going smoothly, I've learned to do things quite quickly with my immbolizer, I've could do just about everything on my own, move about, be normal, walk normal, just have some kids in the stores look at me weird and say.. whats wrong wtih her leg mom.. etc etc.. things were going well.. I was in good spirits, that it would be okay if I had to wear this thing to faithwalkers.. I guess it wouldn't be that bad.. could it?

Yesterday... Things.. took a turn for the worse.. it has been raining here for while, its kind of slippery outside when your not aware of it.. and I was heading down the stairs outside of my work for lunch when i slipped and my right ankle twisted I heard a large pop, I was in so much shock it hurt soo much.. I stood up so quickly because I didn't want anyone to see me, a person who already has a huge greenish thing on her left leg lying helpless on the stairs.. I went to take a step.. and oh my... WOW it hurts really really really bad..

I am crying, I am thinking wow I can't walk... how am I going to make it to my car, which was only a few feet away.. people are walking by.. probably thinking, how freakish I am... I manage to make it to my car.. i start it.. Streams of tears are running down my face, I am thinking its not that bad.. it can't be that bad.. could it? I try to take my shoe off to look at it, I can't it hurts to much just to turn my foot... oh my what have I gotten my self into.. I try to calm my self down.. I bring my self to barely not crying and call my roomate at work.. thinking maybe she could give me some ice..

She answers.. whew.. shse says sure.. I head over there thinking its just a sprain no biggy, if i walk a little it will be shaken off.. boy oh boy am I wrong.. I sit on the couch in capanna, tears rolling down my face, unable to hold back, I am sooo angry at my self, how stupid I felt for falling, how dumb i feel, let alone, now I not only have one bad leg, I have two... but keep thinking maybe some ice will fix it.. my roomate asks if I am gonna go to the doctor.. I keep saying no.. but thinking I should.. and all at the same time, thinking there is no way I am going to Faith Walkers.. I look like a freak!

I leave her work after about 45 minutes of icing.. its not any better.. and only getting worse.. I head back to work.. close up my office, and head off to the doctor, Good news... its not broken.. yay! Bad news.. its a really bad strain, and I've torn some liagements.. I am thinking you have got to be kidding me! and how in the world am I going to walk. They tell me to stay off of it.. hah!! they are funny!

I am so angry at my self, now i have to use crutches, i've left my self helpless, i can hardly do anythign on my own.. I can carry nothing but in a back pack... I attend lynns party.. wow what a challenge.. Its so hard for me to ask for help.. why is it so hard for me to ask for help I like to do things on my own... which is like impossible now.. I have two bad legs.. LOL... I feel like I am a burden to people when I ask can you get me a drink.. could you get me a slice of pizza.. ugh..I am hating it.. I know that I am only being molded but man.. its a hard one.

I am still not so sure about faithwalkers.. i don't know if i can be this humble infront of all my friends from others states. and when they ask what happened.. i am sure they will be thinking.. wow what an idiot.. how in the world.. its so hard.. but my doc did say i might get my knee brace off early next week.. so if that happens... i'll be there.. just maybe on crutches.. oh the joys.. I just keep thinking that involves asking someone to help me with my tray at lunch.. and everything.. what a challenge..

Can't I just catch a break or something without breaking or tearing something?


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