Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Beauty the Eye of the Beholder!

Beauty is definitly in the eye of the beholder!

While I was at faithwalkers, I had a revolutionary thing happen! God showed me how beautiful I truely am! WOW!!! So over the past year I have been working out, trying to loose weight, trying so hard to simply make my self "prettier" but also healtier and all at the same time in the back of my head thinking.. I am fat, I am ugly.. am I ever going to get anywere with this struggle?

I've struggled wtih it for years... and I've worked my buns off litterly this past year to do somethign about it, and while I have lost over 60 pounds.. my view of myself had never changed, I still saw me as I think some of this world may see me.. I still saw myself as 60 lbs heavier with a long way to go... I saw myself as someone ugly, not worthy of anything or anyone.. but it all changed on December 30th 2006!

We were playing the family game with some friends from Colorado on the last night at Faithwalkers and having a great time! (I miss them already) Anyway.. were in a room with a large mirror, we had just got done playing and I got a ball thrown at me from a friend because I won the game, I beat him, and he was doing it out of a joke I am sure, anyway.. so I went to go throw the ball back and saw my self in the mirror, normally I would immediatly think.. wow that shirt is no good, or wow your hair, or wow look at that impeffection.. but it was different.. I ignored it, running back and throwing the ball back at him, we left the room to talk.. i dunno.. its kind of fuzzy.. but then I came back to pick up my stuff..

I picked up my stuff.. stood up and looked up at the mirror and thought.. WOW i am really beautiful, why have I never ever believed what God has been telling me is so true the past year, that I am beautiful in his sight, that he created me and can make nothing wrong, that I am his child and he LOVES me.. yes ME!!

Wow, i felt a huge sense of emoition just wash over me.. it was like I was standing in the rain and God was pouring down his LOVE and feelings for me!! yes ME!!! I felt as though I might just be his favorite! :) WOW..IT was revolutionary.. I felt so loved... and even though my friends.. who are amazing have been telling me for the past year and a half that they love me. that I am beautiful that I am amazing.. I could never see it.. because I did not believe it for myself.. I knew in my head that God thought I was beautiful but i never let it into my heart.. I had built so many walls and told my self so many lies.. that I was simply not beautiful.. I was believing what this world was telling me!

I haven't been able to run for a long time now.. and it will be a while before I can run again.. but I know that God has a plan.. and I know that not running right now is his plan.. I don't think I would have seen this beauty if I was running, running from past hurts, emotions, all the things that I could run so easily from, but I also know that he knows my heart.. I still want to run again someday! soon I hope.. but I also know now that God loves me right where I am.. I know that God thinks I am beautfiul, for years I have longed for that outside acceptance, that my emotions relyed on what other people thought, or how they treated me or what they said.. Like while I was loosing weight, my head would say.. I wonder if anyone will notice today.. will they say something, will they tell me I look good... I longed for someone anyone to accept me.. but now..

I have God's acceptance.. and I can see it.. He loves me.. yes ME>. and he loves you too.. yes YOU!!! He sees you as beautiful!!! YES YOU!!! WOMAN! I want to scream this from the mountain tops.. I want every woman who struggles with being accepted and felling not beautiful enough, or fat, or ugly, or torn up by this world to understand that God sees you as BEAUTIFUL!!! more beautiful than anything!! He created you.. he loves you!! and all at the same time.. i know how many times i could tell you this and you might say yes.. i know but i know that your heart might not accept it..

Verses come to mind as I see how amazing I am in Gods eyes..

I am God's child - John 1:12
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—

I can't be seperated from the love of God - Romans 8:35-39
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, “For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (ESV)

God views me as beautiful! - Song of Soloman 4:7
All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

Psalm 139:13-16
13For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. 14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.

So yes!!! God thinks your beautiful, he thinks your amazing, he loves you!!! I hope one day you will feel this rain down on you as I have.. for it is amzing!! it sure is a lot harder to have a negative thought about my beauty, or body in my head now.. I haven't had one since I think..but I am sure I might.. but I also know that God Loves me and he thinks I am amazing!!! yes me!! little old me! I see my self as a new person, I was looking in hte mirror the other day and thought.. wow I have come so far.. and last night.. wow I am beautiful and cute.. and funny.. and oh its so much more fun to think pleasant loveing thoughts, than negative lies.. God is so good... he is so loving, he is so rich, he is so giving, I only hope that others can some day see this too.. I love standing in the rain of God's love! I don't think there could be anything better!


At 9:16 PM , Anonymous Rob said...

Leslie, I've said this before to others and I'll say it here: If God is truly living inside her, there is no such thing as an ugly Christian woman. So keep up the good work. You're inspiring me as I try to lose some pounds.

God Bless from your "big brother,"


At 10:41 AM , Anonymous Dana said...

That post definitely lets your beauty shine! You are an amazing woman Leslie! I love you so much!


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